Behind The Shadow
I hate the world today. Country boarders, citizenships, origins are all stupid man made frames of man made meanings. I want to be free from all of such things. I became aware of how the way of life goes early enough to know that I should have my own way. This wild stream of life is full of human who love to make rules and objectives that they aimed to make it the only way allowed. They think they are too holy to allow anything different. They think they are too sacred to look into others what they actually miss. I need more than that. I don't want to be sucked into their dark hole. So, I get out of the stream and I walk in another way... My own way. I watch, I listen and I learn.
I'm a son to my parents. I'm a brother to my brother. I'm a friend to my friends, I'm an enemy to my enemies. I'm an innocent, I'm a sinner. I'm an angel, I'm a devil. I'm your sweet dreams, I'm be your nightmares. I'm sweet, I'm cruel. I'm a saint, I'm a demon. I'm a little bit of everything that rolled into one. In between, I'm nothing and I'm nobody. When you think you got figured me out, the reason would already change. My place is placeless. My trace is traceless.
Many people never ran on war field, never listened to the real sound of artillery fire, never saw their own family been killed in front of their own eyes, never had gun pointed on their faces, never feared for their lives, never found out that the person who gave you a pack of food on the other day have been slaughtered on the next day, never saw woman who had been gang-raped, never saw parents who carried their sliced throat dead sons, never fled a blood-soaked soil of a village that burned to the ground in the name of ETHNIC CLEANSING.
But I went through all that. I have been hunted, beaten, kicked and tortured like an animal and even had my own family been shot and slaughtered in front of my own eyes. War is only half of the story. The end of war does not mean peace, it is simply the end of destruction and the end of terrible death. Every end of war includes chapters that almost always get untold... the chapters that contain the story of aftermath, which day by day becomes the prologue of the future for every survivor.
Death, lost, pain and disaster are bad bloody things but they are also the begining of many things. Never will you understand love unless you have lost someone really important in your life, never will you understand what trust is unless you have been lied to, never will you understand what pain is unless you have felt the retraction of your own physical and mental anguish overwhelming the soul and mind... With all these things I found inspiration. I rise every day and stand to deliver what the day calls me for. I do it because I know how and because I'm a survivor. The purpose of life is great, it keeps me going on and it reminds me why I must go on and it shows me how far I have walked.
I understand that I am here on this world for a reason and I survived because of a reason. There is reason for everything. My journey is still far, I do not know when and where it will end. It is so hard to continue life without someone precious, it is so hard to do something without someone's hand but as long as I live, I have strength to effort, to try and to achieve. I know I can effort to achieve something or someone.
Who in this world can live forever? Today cross over the high mountain of life's illusions and there will be no more shallow dream... Time goes and time comes. It is time for us to change how it goes, let's write the next page. It is up to us, either we make history or we become history. Yesterday is nothing but a dream and tomorrow is only a vision but today is well lived, it makes yesterday a dream of happiness and makes tomorrow a vision of hope.